Thursday, May 3, 2007

You think you want an execution?

Due to the Nebraska Supreme Court issuing a stay on the execution of Carey Dean Moore, Nebraska will probably be looking for a new way to execute the folks who take it upon themselves to do really, really nasty things to other people.

Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning thinks Nebraska lawmakers should consider changing Nebraska's form of execution to help reduce the number of appeals. He said it could be at least a year before another execution date is set for Moore.

"I don't fault the Supreme Court. I don't think what they did was wrong because I trust them as lawyers and judges. But, we've got a process here in Nebraska that's starting to look like it's just broken," Bruning said.

You know, he might be right - Nebraska's execution system could possibly be broken.

If it is judged to be broken, unconstitutional even, if lawmakers are going to seriously consider switching our electric chair to another type of execution - then allow me to present a few ideas of potential execution methods for Nebraska.

As you can see here, the executee is kept underneath a large block of some hard, heavy, solid substance. The block is suspended by a rope and pulley system. The larger the block, the more spectacular the result. The best substance for the block would probably be rock, but a large metal safe could be substituted with very little difference in the results. A heavy rope could be used to secure the executee. When the time comes, the executioner cuts the rope.

Although I'm no mechanical engineer, it seems to me that this would be an efficient method of execution. The inmate is sedated and placed in a giant catapult. If a catapult is unavailable, then a trebuchet could be substituted, as long as the proper mathematical work is done to find the proper aim. Once the aim is worked out, the inmate is thrown by the catapult towards a large, sturdy, brick wall.

This is possibly the most visually captivating of all the execution ideas I have submitted today, but then I, the artist, am somewhat biased. As you can see here, the inmate is placed into an area secured by tall walls. Above the inmate are two very heavy, solid blocks of material which are connected to a secure post of some kind by rope. Two executioners wielding traditional japanese katanas cut the ropes, releasing the blocks to swing down and smush the executee.

There you go. Fast, humane, safe, suffer-free methods of execution for Nebraska.

Feel free to send a link to this page to the Nebraska State Supreme Court and the Nebraska Legislature.

They sound like they're short on ideas.

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